rehabilitative medicine
warning.. emo post ahead..
i'm writing partially because someone asked = ] and partially because something happened yesterday that i cannot shake off..
also because the annual post is due.. to remind myself of what the new year resolution was..
it was the first day of new year, the day when nothing was supposed to be broken. but i had not slept in the past 5 days due to self-imposed overnight shifts.. and it was 11pm.. the background fatigue had not faded away.
once again i overestimated my abillities.. and reached up 3m to get the glasses for guests.
too late. it plummeted down without me knowing.. and the shattering of glass pierced my ears.
it's not the first time seeing a broken glass, of course, but i stared at it for the longest time.
partly because it reminded me of the accident 5 years ago.. when i piled too many things on my plate.. flashbacks occured.
partly because i was just too tired to react.
but mostly because i realised.. to my horror that in staring at the shattered glass.. i felt like i was looking into a mirror.. like i was staring at what was on the inside.. which of course, i had been running away from.. and the main reason why it was still shattered is because i had not made the effort to put it back together.. and staying alone did kind of screw me up a little.
perhaps i am only human, after all, and after everything is said and done.. i still need to pick up the pieces first, with God's help.. i had been pretending everything is ok.. so maybe that will really make it ok etcetc.. but without cleaning up the broken glass.. i'm stuck and can't move forward.. so that is what i am going to do.. i need a break.. so perhaps the disappearing begins again.. i don't know.. but whatever it may be.. free time will be spent recuperating for now.
don't worry, i am not affected, for the minute i step into the wards, which is everyday, everything fades away because the patients are just, too, ill for me to think of anything else.
2 corinthians 4:7-16
7But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed...
i'm writing partially because someone asked = ] and partially because something happened yesterday that i cannot shake off..
recap:
2008: love
2009: faith
so i thought the most obvious choice for next year should be hope right?
also because.. in many of the situations in front of me.. it is indeed hopeless in the human sense.. or rather it became even more hopeless despite all that i had put in. but i stand by what Rev Lee said.. it's really up to you.. if you are happy anyway.. nothing really matters.. and yes i do feel it, i'm still contented and at peace despite everything that is going on now.
despite everything, the true hope, the greatest hope and perhaps, the only hope is in God alone.. and that will be my challenge for this year.
also because.. in many of the situations in front of me.. it is indeed hopeless in the human sense.. or rather it became even more hopeless despite all that i had put in. but i stand by what Rev Lee said.. it's really up to you.. if you are happy anyway.. nothing really matters.. and yes i do feel it, i'm still contented and at peace despite everything that is going on now.
despite everything, the true hope, the greatest hope and perhaps, the only hope is in God alone.. and that will be my challenge for this year.
it was the first day of new year, the day when nothing was supposed to be broken. but i had not slept in the past 5 days due to self-imposed overnight shifts.. and it was 11pm.. the background fatigue had not faded away.
once again i overestimated my abillities.. and reached up 3m to get the glasses for guests.
too late. it plummeted down without me knowing.. and the shattering of glass pierced my ears.
it's not the first time seeing a broken glass, of course, but i stared at it for the longest time.
partly because it reminded me of the accident 5 years ago.. when i piled too many things on my plate.. flashbacks occured.
partly because i was just too tired to react.
but mostly because i realised.. to my horror that in staring at the shattered glass.. i felt like i was looking into a mirror.. like i was staring at what was on the inside.. which of course, i had been running away from.. and the main reason why it was still shattered is because i had not made the effort to put it back together.. and staying alone did kind of screw me up a little.
perhaps i am only human, after all, and after everything is said and done.. i still need to pick up the pieces first, with God's help.. i had been pretending everything is ok.. so maybe that will really make it ok etcetc.. but without cleaning up the broken glass.. i'm stuck and can't move forward.. so that is what i am going to do.. i need a break.. so perhaps the disappearing begins again.. i don't know.. but whatever it may be.. free time will be spent recuperating for now.
don't worry, i am not affected, for the minute i step into the wards, which is everyday, everything fades away because the patients are just, too, ill for me to think of anything else.
2 corinthians 4:7-16
7But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed...
16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
posted by skimmedoff @ 6:57 PM
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