too little too late

sigh. how. it really seems like a big joke.

just one month to the biggest exam of my life ie the one that determines employment and well, the rest of my life basically.

it's not a matter of not being prepared. it's about going in being asked about everything but knowing nothing, despite 3 years (or for me 2 and a half) of hard work.

i can almost imagine it.

" this patient has hypo-reflexia.."
"no it's because you didn't elicit it properly."

"there are inflammatory causes such as ABC, neoplastic causes such as DEF.."
"in other words, you don't know what's going on."

"...."

sigh. it's my biggest problem, whenever i want something, it's never a simple matter of " oh i shall work hard to get it" but a whole string of " do i deserve it.. what if i fail.. do others want it more than me..." and before i know it, poof! it's gone. usually into the hands of someone else.

worse still if this is what God wants me to do, and yet i forever feel as if i can't attain it.. i wish i could have more confidence in Him.. more than the belittling i place on myself.

make me choice wine! i don't want to be tasteless water anymore.

and i really shouldn't be blogging anymore either.

2 Corinthians 3:5
Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as being from ourselves, but our sufficiency is from God.

ok.. at least it was a happy and blessed cny =)