helpless

thankful for huizhi's sharing yesterday.

i suppose zj put it absolutely perfectly, in our short conversation.

"you either pass now, or you don't, at this late stage. so just enjoy your life la."

just realised, that save for nlc, there was never a day of leisure since july last year. that's how long i've been trying, just to catch up. but i suppose sacrifices hit you when you're walking alone, coughing and sneezing in the hot sun, just to get to the pharmacy for lozenges.

how silly, to worry about something i can't control.

how silly, to believe that 6 months of absenteeism from clinical experience can be made up for by mugging. it needs, well.. another 6 months. ever heard of deconditioning?

how silly, to not plan my trip till now.

how silly, to fall ill right now, at such an important time.

was so so happy to go back to ward 55 on saturday.. everyone was doing their rounds, met up with dr L and dr S and they seemed as delighted as i was.. wonderful seeing all the nurses again.. and that was when it struck me, it didn't matter what the outcome of mbbs was, the important thing is, over the past 5 years, i have learnt how to become a better doctor.

ok, fail then fail lor. what to do. just gonna try my absolute best for another 3 weeks. there have been way too many regrets in my life.

yes Lord, i'm really leaving it in Your hands now..