daily requirement

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

random thoughts of a hyperglycaemic ahead.


should i start cooking again? a lil silly spending all the money when the food at abof's way better than my oregano seabass/ oregano and rosemary chicken/ oregano and tomato salmon (u get the point) and still reeling from the outside charred inside raw barramundi (never cook the local ones they have a weird texture) attempt a few weeks ago.

just realised that melbourne cafes (restaurants are unaffordable!) close at 4pm and i'll have to survive on char siew maggi mee (still rem how nice it tasted 10 yrs ago), bruschetta (tried and tested, phew.), honey and perhaps some eucalyptus if i want to watch the australian ballet. haha.. i'm just so reluctant to go and leave a mess behind that i know others can't clear up.. hence the non-action over visa, packing, tickets, clothes etc. and of course, i will miss NLC = (

ok ok.. after talking to jes the other day.. i shall try to be excited about st kilda's beach, the city centre's chilli chocolate, fish market, and of course vicky if u're reading this and not peering under a microscope, i will come visit you = ) take the great ocean road to adelaide and see the 12 apostles which have new meaning now. that is, if i can find someone to share the 20 hour drive.

sigh feel so bad.. we shared a 5 hr dinner (posting menu and pics soon!) which as usual wasn't enough.. didn't realise we haven't met for a year.. what sort of counsellor am i sigh. yea we did talk about alot of things.. and one of which was our career.. public or private? being asked a year ago, i'd say, of course private! i'll be my own boss, dun have to worry abt admin, do whatever i feel is best for the patient. but.. she brought up a good point.. and i'd think now that public is better.. the nurses are much nicer (surprise) and doctors work in teams, learning to appreciate the mentorship; as a consultant, there's still an emeritus prof to talk to.. you can discuss with the best surgeon, not just rely on personal contacts, there are tumour boards, m&m etc.. it's so much more dynamic and yea, better for the patient actually.. rather than working in a crummy deserted clinic worrying about rental, staff.. ugh.

really.. why do i feel afraid of being alone? or rather travelling alone? yea i guess in future should God will it, i dun mind spending yet another exciting day in hospital interacting with patients, coming home to a bachelorette pad (as long as it's by the sea), turn on lounge music and just spend the night on roasted bell peppers in olive oil. with eggplant. but travelling is a totally different story. this is the 4th time on my own.. but the previous 3.. well let's say they involve a plump girl with a backpack fending off guys who want only one thing it seems.. only to be saved by passers-by. in broad daylight. and i really literally got sick of my own company. ad nauseum. was starting to wonder if there was indeed a plant on my head cos everytime u say table for one; they always give the discontented stare for taking up a whole table with 1/2 or 1/4 the bill. so as a waitress, i'll always smile brightly if anyone enters the restaurant alone.

but it's ok! i will meditate on His word, there are many books i need to return (oops.. sorry vinz and sw) and yea. kumar, talley, oxford.. bleh. shall give me sleepless nites.

a kind brother did wake me up to a very good point.. too concentrated sometimes, on how the Lord can guide me in this lifetime.. that i forget sometimes. the fundamentals.. shall focus on that in the next few days

Romans 5:8
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

it is that simple = ) unlike the complicated, dissected, irrational human love.
what i didn't realise too.. was how Jesus was shamed in the process.. in front of the public, leaders, disciples.. when He didn't do anything wrong. He took my shame away.. but most days i still feel ashamed about something..as usual for far too long.. which shouldn't be the case.. i don't want to short-change His power of resurrection.. that night was supposed to be the test but i failed it once again.. sigh.. will not give up! but i know there's Someone who has forgiven me, even if i haven't done so myself. guess Who? = )

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