there's never a right time to say goodbye

for 2 weeks, i thought you were happy.

to a certain extent, i had hoped you were angry.

but today, you told me, you are sad.

as soon as your back was turned, the tears flowed.

and i realised.. that's why you didn't wear jewellery for a while. the same reason he didn't eat chocolates anymore. and exactly why i go around sulking from morning till night.

again it hit me. the hallmark of human love. when it hurts you countless times more to know that the one you love, is in pain.

a hallmark, that again, is realised too late.

sorry but this is a part of life i'd rather not remember, even if i inevitably will.

therefore, this blog will be suspended indefinitely.

everyone, please treasure all you have. you may not think you want to, but trust me, you do.

love is..

again. started falling asleep.. cos couldn't sleep again last night.. but again i can't sleep now. for the same reason. and last night was my only free night. tomorrow's work again, and night call and...

can't tell anyone why. but well, it is the one thing i pray about almost every day, and even though it's not resolved, at least it's better, cos i noe God is the only one who understands and is helping me.

tried running again today. used to love running.. feels like running away from problems.. in a world of my own. but now it's not just me, time spent running is when it's just Jesus and me now and that is so much more comforting..

ya as u might have guess all this happened cos i fell ill and forced to rest again.. must pack my week next week.. so it'll stop..

loving someone and not loving someone.. not sure which is harder to do.

argh. ok this is becoming a depressing blog. alright, was happy when the baby i helped deliver went home and the father thanked me, not that i did much.

hm, wat's the dsm4 criteria for diagnosing compulsive eating disorder? walnut cookies are strangely tasty these days.

that lady's my fren from newton kindergarten. haha.. we were talking about how dogs are better than men, cos they are always there when you need them, and they'll never leave. lovely meeting up with someone who doesn't care abt ur past, present or future.. and has been a real fren for 18years = )

Mark 4:35-41

Jesus Calms the Storm

35That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, "Let us go over to the other side." 36Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. 37A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. 38Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?"
39He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.
40He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"
41They were terrified and asked each other, "Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!"


part of our bible study today, which of course spoke out to someone who has had a problematic week.
sorry everyone, i ought not to complain to others.
forgot, that Jesus is indeed in the same boat as me, weathering the storm with me as much as i don't deserve it.
and that i should be asking Him for help, not anyone else.
and yup, for the first time in a week.. slept in peace = )

night call was really drama. 4 hr ward round in the biggest hospital, 3 hr tutorial, crash casesarean, 5 deliveries and haha tried performing one. tried!

but it was scary too.. we really thought the baby and mum would both be lost. thank God they survived.

speechless

Dear Li Fang,

We have just been informed by UIUC that they are facing elective space constraints at their end. Therefore, we regret to inform that UIUC is unable to accept your application and all other documents which you had submitted earlier.

On behalf of UIUC, we apologize for the inconvenience caused and would greatly appreciate your kind understanding.

Please proceed to make alternative electives arrangements with local or other overseas universities for the elective period.


someone once said i complain too much.. so will keep quiet this time.

labour

complicated case.

problem list:
1) daily tests
2) waking up at 5.45am daily
3) working till 9pm daily, weekly night calls
4) 7000word paper to edit and revamp in 1/12
5) Christmas party unplanned
6) support group lost
7) angry personal tutor
8) increasing A:H ratio
9) write-ups
10) vertiginous giddiness
11) not-so-mini clinical exams
12) caffeine dependence

Rx: quiet time
KIV Rav4

TCU 6/52

John 15:18-19
"When the world hates you, remember it hated me before it hated you. The world would love you if you belonged to it, but you don't. I chose you to come out of the world, and so it hates you."