borderline pre-term

have been thinking about this for a long time..

every time i'm asked to fill up the occupation portion of a form.. i hesitate.
it doesn't seem humble to say d____
so i write "house officer"and thrust it away as quickly as possible.
and people ask, "is it an admin job?" "'erm.. in a way, yes..."

not that i'm ashamed of being one.. when i first started, it didn't seem anything to be proud of.
but i suppose as i find only 2 months left.. i find myself not really wanting to get out of it.

cos i've grown to take pride in it.. especially being the only one in the team/ ward.. and actually i've learnt to enjoy being placed in control, having the most time spent with patients and always being the first one there in emergencies ( yes yes yesterday was the ultimate test.. four!).. really not sure how the new schedule of clinics, supervising others and bearing responsibilities while studying is going to work out.. but there are 5 years, and it's a very long road ahead..

but God is faithful once again.. and this year, the resolution is to have more faith. after all, last year's one did come through, after commiting it to prayer. and of course the tests began almost immediately.. it's hardest to have faith not when things are going well/ bad.. but when there is absolute total silence, when it's you alone in the ward with 3 walls. there is no rim-enhancing inspiration.. it's just up to you to seek Him and in times like these.. human nature begins to doubt. so let's hope the next 2 weeks of being alone again goes well...

in any case.. i actually just wanted to explain my absence. good things come in threes! ( as dr z says) 3 weeks of continuous work, one call every 3 days which is 3 times a week, 3 consecutive weekend calls and basically the disappearing act begins again.. poof!