There are only some times that I am so honest, one, to remind myself in future; the other, to encourage others. Haven’t really told anyone all this, simply because been just too stoned..
Guess I wanted to pen some stuff down, before the week starts.. after the whirlwinds that occurred. Never thought I would have to try so hard.. but lives saved are still the best reward, even to the most distinguished prof at 4.30am = ) and I never thought I’d agree with vincent, that I really don’t feel as if I’ve worked at all. And yup, I really really need to be strong and courageous…
Sometimes I do want that white coat, really, especially at 9pm when the warmth of families is all around while I’ve barely been home for dinner, and instead have patients pointing fingers at me and no, wasn’t on call.. but Lord, keep me going on that big life-time call, this calling.. sometimes I can’t fathom why I have to get up pre-6am practically every day for the rest of my life but You know, only You can tell.
The past month or so has taught me much.. most importantly, that contrary to what I thought all this while.. I’m not better off alone. And of course.. chose to ignore the warnings “Your walk with God will never remain stagnant”, “it’s not that easy to love God”.. but despite the struggle, in the end I’m glad that I grew apart from Him for a while.. glad that I thought I lost Him.. because now I feel as if I found Him all over again.. like Someone just saved me once again.. feeling.. restored = ) the ways that He did that, are quite laughable too. well, suppose it is just like any other relationship, there are good and bad days.. there are times apart and times together.. absence makes the heart fonder? Perhaps. Or perhaps I had to learn how to treasure this relationship instead of taking it for granted. But He held on to His promise: He never did for one moment, let go… instead He waited for me to calm down after running through corridors multiple times.. He was there when the seemingly calm pre-call plug sparked off the whole barrage of emotions in the non-emo person that is me.. even if I didn’t seek Him, He was there. So, don’t be discouraged if you lose sight of Him.. you just can’t see God for now.. ups and downs indeed.
The art of losing myself in bringing You praise..Let justice and praise become my embrace..To love You from the inside out…
Hm sex in the city brought about a line of thoughts that were easily left behind thankfully… but most of all.. the last scene.. I just wish it could be the 6 of us again in that NUH canteen, toasting to teh bing.. hey I’m always there…anyone?
